I find myself in this weird state of just...I guess it's exhaustion, but it's also got a tinge of just general malaise and listlessness. I've spent most of the past two days on the couch under a blanket watching TV with the cats. And at first I felt guilty about it. But just a few moments ago I realized something - I just finished a Master's degree. And suddenly it doesn't seem so awful to take a little time to just let that sink in without trying to accomplish the next thing.

I just wish I weren't so worn out. Ugh. Any second now I really need to start getting geared up for my summer film work. Right after this show ends...

I'm even wearing a peasant skirt and sandals today...

( ridiculously long meme-y quiz results behind the cut... )

So, here's one I grabbed from janitorboy.

01. Reply with your name and I will write something about you.
02. I will then tell what reminds me of you.
03. If I were to apply an o'clock to you, it would be...
04. I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
05. I'll tell you the most memorable moment I've had with you.
06. I'll then tell you something that I've always wondered about you.
07. Put this in your journal.

I usually clean out my e-mail inbox periodically to keep the volume from getting out of hand. But in the past year, I've been so stressed out and busy with school that I've totally let it go. And now I've got over 2900 e-mails in my inbox.

Wow. It's time to clean that sucker out. Right after graduation. (I wonder if I'll hit 3000 e-mails before I get the job done...)

I haven't written up the last film I saw at the Tribeca Film Festival, a lovely documentary called "Same-Sex America". It was wonderful. I'll write it up soon.

Sunday I met some out-of-town visiting friends at the Brooklyn Museum for the Basquiat exhibit. I'd never seen his work, and it was really hard to look at. Not in a bad way, in a "this guy is really tapped into what's wrong with this world" way. Also in a "this guy had too many disturbing thoughts in his head to get them out in an organized way" way. Wow.

Tonight I went to see the Festival Chamber Music group. It was my second time seeing them, and as before they were FABULOUS. I'm thinking of getting a subscription for next year, especially since their 5 show season goes for $110 to subscribers. That's barely more than the cost of one Broadway ticket.

This weekend I'm seeing some more out-of-town friends, probably with a trip to the Met involved. More culture. Yay!

I'm not much into astrology or numerology, but sometimes these little things are just about right.
( Birthdate analyzer behind the cut... )

I just saw a commercial for the new Denny's breakfast bowls. It's a big, deep bowl filled with hashbrowns, eggs, and other stuff like bacon or ham. It's huge. I thought, "Oh, that's interesting. The whole meal in one bowl." And then the voiceover guy said, "And it also comes with pancakes, bacon and sausage."

Wow. Gross. That's a gargantuan amount of food. I no longer feel like such a pig that for breakfast I often have 2 eggs AND two slices of toast. Apparently that's downright monastic in scope.

I saw a wonderful film at the festival yesterday. It was a Dutch film called Simon. The story follows two men, one gay and one straight, through a very long, unexpected and unconventional friendship. Because it is a Dutch film, it deals with some subjects in a very normal and matter-of-fact way that would never happen in an American film, specifically gay marriage and euthenasia, both of which are legal and normal in the Netherlands.

I was impressed by how well this film dealt with emotional, heavy subjects in a very sweet, often light-hearted way. The title character (the straight man in the friendship) is this larger than life, booming person that just draws people to him. He was a joy to follow through his life. I was also struck by how this film reminded me in some ways of Antonia's Line, the only other Dutch film I've ever seen. In both films, we see a group of people who come together as a true family and community, regardless of actual genetic of familial connections. I just got a sense in both films of this intentional community feel. I asked the director during the Q&A if this seemed a particular part of the Dutch culture to him. He said because the entire country is so small, and most people live in very close-knit working class communities, it is simply how people get through life. I like that.

I had planned to see up to 11 films in the festival. I think I'm going to end up seeing 5, maybe 6 if I decide to go on Sunday. But as someone who has had very little time for movie theaters in the last 6 months or so, 4 in one week already is starting to border on more than enough. I have advanced tickets for one more documentary tomorrow, at which point I may consider myself done. There are two on Sunday I'm interested in, though, so I'm going to wait and see how I feel. All in all, though, the festival has been an enjoyable, and also inspiring, experience.

As a director, once a show is open the best way I have of guaging its success is to pay attention to the reactions of the audience. The show I had going up this week (my final one of the season, and my thesis) is a fairly sad show, pretty heavy on the tragedy. So a good night is one in which lots of the audience is crying at the end of the show. And it's been happening every night. My show is the one right before intermission, so I get a pretty good chance to see how the audience is reacting right after the show has ended. So far, very weepy intermissions.

Tonight one audience member got so overwhelmed by the show that about 3/4 of the way through she left the theater, and was still crying at intermission. My reaction? "YES!!!" (Internally, of course.)

I have a weird job. This woman was obviously quite distraught. And it made me proud. But it is pretty great. :)

I just finished with my second day of the Tribeca Film Festival. (I've got final dress rehearsal tonight, so I've got to get over to the theater.)

The first movie I saw today was a documentary called "SHOW Business". It tracked a Broadway season from June (beginning of the season) through the following summer's Tony Awards, focusing specifically on four shows - "Wicked", "Avenue Q", "Caroline, or Change" and "Taboo". It was hysterical and fun, and reminded me of many of the things I love about doing theater. It was nice to get reminded while watching a film why, no matter how well this whole film thing goes, I will never stop doing theater altogether. I'm definitely keeping my hands in that.

The second film I saw today was...no, I can't be diplomatic. It was awful. Bloody awful. Dreadful. The essential problem seemed to be that the director had an interesting concept for a 5 minute short, which he then turned into a 2.5 hour feature. When the lights came up at the end, the guy sitting next to me turned to me and said, "Shoot me. Please." Amen, my brother. And the worst part was that, while last night's selection "Satellite" had obviously been created in such a way as to give the digital film a very "filmic" look, this one looked as though the director just didn't even try. It was obviously shot digitally, and looked like a cheap video. The one thing he did to try to make it look interesting was it was in black and white. But it looked like he did that by just flipping the "Black and White" switch on his camera, at which point he ceased to think about the ramifications of making a B&W movie. (Color DOES matter when you do this, folks.) The only really uplifting part of the experience was thinking, "Well, if THIS crap made it into the festival, then I've got a shot after all."

Tomorrow I've got an advanced ticket for a movie called "Simon" and then will try to catch one other film in the afternoon before going to opening night of my play. More then...

I headed over to the festival tonight after rehearsal, intending to see two films. I ended up seeing only one film because (1) I had a long day, and felt sufficiently ready to go home after the first movie, and (2) the first movie was so good I didn't want to follow it with anything else. I saw Satellite, a sweet and slightly twisted love story filmed here in New York. The description in the festival brochure compared it to Amelie. I don't really see that, except for the fact that the lead actress is a very cute French girl and the love story shows these two people doing lots of stupid things before figuring things out better. But this film was much darker and edgier.

The film was just beautiful. I was so impressed with choices made in this film in terms of color and the overall photography. There was a wonderful recurring motif of everyday objects being this very distinct shade of Kelly green that struck me very hard. The best part was at the end during the Q&A when someone asked the director what film stock he shot with. He said, "We shot digitally with a Canon XL-1 with a 35mm lens, and then used Magic Bullet in post." The reason that is the best part is that he basically described the process I'm planning to use when shooting my film this summer. Except my camera will be a Canon XL-2, because that's the newest model that's out now. I'm not saying this means that my film will be as beautiful as his, since I'm just starting out. But it is encouraging to know how much quality is possible with that setup, to give me something to strive for.

I'll post a more detailed review of the film later. I'm taking short notes in my journal at the festival to remind me of things later when I have time. Tomorrow the plan is to catch a showing of "SHOW Business", a documentary which follows four big Broadway musicals from concept to opening, and then "Slingshot", an interesting looking Indie starring David Arquette and Julianna Marguilles.

Seen on the cover of AM New York yesterday (roughly the exact wording, I didn't keep the paper):

Pope Benedict Seeks Unity
New Pontiff Reaches Out to Jews and Other Christians

So, in other words, "unity" means "unity, as long as you're one of us Judeo-Christian types." Grumble grumble.

In my third year of living in New York City, I'm finally going to see some films at the Tribeca Film Festival. The problem is that I finally got around to looking for tickets halfway through the festival. So I took out the festival guide, did a very complex job of checking my schedule availability versus what I was most interested in seeing, and came up with a selection of 11 films to see in the next 6 days. The problem: Only 2 of them have any advanced tickets remaining. All of the rest are "Door Sales Only" which means I have to go to the venue 30-45 minutes before the film, stand in line, and HOPE to get in.

Ah, well. At least I'll definitely see 2 films in the festival, and hopefully at least a few more. And I will have FINALLY attended a major film festival without (a) working there and (b) leaving before the actual festival began because I had to rush home to solve domestic dramas.

I feel one step closer to really being a filmmaker now. Whee! :)

Even with the stress I'm under this week, this story had me laughing out loud. Seriously. And it just makes me want to get a Roomba that much more.

This day has been a pretty awful one. Broke up with my boyfriend, found out my school doesn't exist anymore. But I just got news that puts it all in perspective. My friend who's been serving on the front lines in Iraq as a marine just made it home, safe and sound, and is DONE. *whew* Welcome home, Dave. You've been missed. And that's one less worry bead to rub down to nothingness.

Inconsiderate people on public transportation just infuriate me. I read a letter to the editor in the newspaper this morning from a woman who said that she'd discovered the fastest way to put people on the subway to sleep was to have an 8 months pregnant woman walk onto the car. (By which she meant that, as an 8 months pregnant woman, the second she stepped on the car, miraculously everyone on the car was "asleep" - including people who'd walked onto the car seconds before she had and run for the available seats.)

Then on the way home I experienced something similar myself. I was on a fairly crowded bus. And as we pulled up to a stop, I noticed that waiting to get onto the bus were several elderly passengers, including two with canes. Because there were almost no empty seats left on the bus, I immediately got up. As the people got on the bus, NO ONE ELSE got up. One of the elderly passengers took my seat, one took the only other empty seat that was available But a third man, who was walking VERY slowly and with obvious pain with a cane, walked past many, many young and able-bodied people until he was at the back of the bus, where you have to go up two steps to get to the remaining seats. Even after navigating those two steps with some difficulty, a man got up and expected the man with the cane to scoot in to the window seat so he could keep his aisle seat. When the man with the cane made it clear he couldn't scoot, the other man scooted into the window seat while rolling his eyes in annoyance.

Are you freaking kidding me, people??? This man walked by a woman with two young boys in tow, the three of them sitting in a row of three seats. I didn't expect either of the young boys to know to get up, but I sure expected her to tell one of them to get up, or at least ask them to scoot together and share a seat or have one of them sit on her lap, both of which they were more than small enough to do. Having gotten past that trio, the man passed at least four or five other people who were perfectly able-bodied and under the age of 40 and sitting in aisle seats. ONE of them should have gotten up.

Sometimes I really wonder what this world is coming to. (And I also know the degree of my anger over this is enhanced by two other huge things in my life that I am angry and upset about, but too much so to write about them just yet, so I'll vent it all here.)

ARGH!!!

I'm not one of those cat owners that minds her cats on the furntiure. Heck, I've practically ceded my desk chair to Molly, who uses it as her personal scratching post and favorite napping spot. (I need a new one of those at some point, one that isn't so scratchable.) But the one place I try to keep them from getting is the kitchen counter. There are just too many interesting things to knock over, too much mayhem that is possible if they are in the habit of being up there. Toby is the usual offender, and I scold him for being up there quite often.

I don't think I'll have to scold him for a little while. See, I have the Cuisinart Grind and Brew, which is a coffee machine with a built in grinder, a timer, and a thermal carafe. It is one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. I set the timer, and at the appointed time the grinder begins its job, and moments later the brew process starts. All before I get out of bed. I normally set the coffee machine to start its thing just before the time I use for setting my alarm. Because I can hear the coffee machine from the bedroom, it's like a built in snooze button between grinder and alarm clark. This morning I never quite made it to alarm clock. The sound of the grinder was immediately accompanied by a HUGE crash, during which the breaking of glass was a prominent feature. I thought about ignoring it and waiting until my alarm went off, but I just couldn't. It just sounded too awful. So I crawled out of bed, turned off my alarm, and went in to survey the damage.

The other important element to this story is that the playwright who wrote the play that I had in the season this past week had given me as a show gift a very cute, tiny cactus. (It was a very appropriate gift for the show, featuring women who were prickly on the outside, but soft on the inside.) From the little bit of skills I've picked up watching CSI, best I can figure is that Toby was on the counter, right by the coffee machine, when the grinder started its thing. This made him leap backwards, which landed him into the cactus. The cactus went flying, eventually landing on a glass votive holder, which was the source of the glass breaking sound. (He doesn't seem to have any cactus spines on him, so he escaped that indignity.) After I got the mess cleaned up, I realized I couldn't find Toby anywhere. I eventually found him sitting on top of a box I had behind my wardrobe in the bedroom. He was peering around the side of the wardrobe with this, "It's coming to get me," look. I couldn't help it. I laughed hysterically.

So I'm hoping this means I won't have to chase him off the kitchen counter for a little while. But I'm not counting on it, since cats have such horrible short term memories. I guess I'll just have to keep setting the coffee timer, and hope he eventually associates the counter with that sound.

I saw a story on CBS Sunday Morning this morning about new bankruptcy law that Congress is trying to pass. It would essentially make it harder for people to file Chapter 7 bankruptcy, allowing them to eliminate their debt, leaving more people the option of Chapter 13 bankruptcy, in which they still have to pay down a significant portion of the debt. The reasoning behind it is to help eliminate cases of fraud - people who run up huge bills and then file Chapter 7, having planned to all along.

While I can certainly see this logic, there was also a law professor who spoke, who is part of a group of 100 lawyers and law professors who contacted Congress with concerns that not enough is being done to help people from getting into the debt in the first place. There is very little regulation of the credit card companies, and the interest rates they can charge, including sudden fees and charges that they can apply to accounts at any time without warning. He also mentioned the check cashing loan storefronts that give people "payday loans" which are paid back and 2 to 3 times the amount of the original loan. He said that without regulating the kind of debt people can get into, and helping them to not get stuck with unfair debt, it is unfair to take away the recourse of Chapter 7.

Another expert who supported the new legislation said that blaming the credit companies is like blaming a grocery store for obesity. And I can certainly see the point. But the fact of the matter is that credit card companies do make credit offers that are very tempting to people who simply shouldn't be getting credit cards, and they do charge sudden fees and give sudden increases in interest rates with no warning. My mom got bitten hard by this recently, and wrote letters to federal banking agencies trying to get the regulations changed. As you can imagine, she got nowhere.

But what really interested me was how this approach to financial reform, from a Republican majority Congress, was not too dissimilar from the conservative approach to reproductive freedom. Looking at it from a very simplistic standpoint, you have people who think abortion should be illegal and that birth control either shouldn't be easily provided, or worse should be illegal. But these same people don't want to provide sex education to help prevent the need for abortion or birth control or proper support for the unexpected - or unwanted - children that result from this approach. In the same way, it seems this new legislation is designed with the same option reducing/result punishing approach. I just find it interesting that this seems to be a common philosophy. And it explains one of the many, many reasons why I am not now, nor never will be, a Republican.

I've always considered myself someone who thrives on change. I've never minded going through turmoil. I'm not the type to hide in a corner and wait for change to pass. I LOVE progress. (None of this "But this is how we've always done it" bullshit for me.) I was never a big fan of staying at one job for more than a year or two, because then I began to crave change. It's one of the things I like the most about my chosen profession - built in shifting and changing.

But sometimes even a change-lover like me can start to feel like enough is enough. I am in a period of such amazing turmoil and change right now that even my head is beginning to spin. Graduating from graduate school is much, much huger than I expected it to be. It feels like I am walking toward the edge of a big cliff and contemplating which direction I want to jump when I get there. I've never passed through a major milestone in life without the next step being laid out and clear - college after high school graduation, job after college graduation, settle into new life together after marriage, throw myself into school after divorce. The path has always been laid out. Now, not so much.

I find it beautifully symbolic that the days when I have to go pickup my cap and gown and my graduation tickets are all in the tech/production week of my last play of the season. It just makes so much sense. It's like everything getting wrapped up nice and tight, with a little bow on top. Watching this phase of my life come to an end is just weird. So much has happened during these three years of school that it's a bit mind boggling. It is both a relief to have it come to an end, and also a bit sad and scary.

And as if all of that weren't enough, my next door neighbors, who are two of my favorite people in the entire world, moved out of their apartment on Thursday. They moved into a house about 35 blocks away, so it's not like I'll never see them. But no more random visits back and forth, no more neighbors to call on in an emergency. (I mean, sure, the new ones may be nice and all, but Blake and Paul were friends before they were neighbors. Blake is the reason I found the apartment I'm living in.) Add on top of all of that fun the mortgage refinancing I'm going through right now, and life just seems like one big turmoil.

I'm starting to get that "hide my head under the covers until it all passes" feeling...

It's interesting what a combination of being raised in an English professor type house, growing up in Texas, and then moving to New York will do to a girl's language.

( Quiz results behind cut... )